Introspection is fantastic! It tells you what the mind had envisioned as against that what the heart wanted versus what actually happened. But before you are about to embark upon that quest, make certain what it is that you'd want to be stronger, the head or the heart! And imagination, mind you, can take you far further than comprehended!
A very long time ago, something changed in a manner that I cannot possibly explain! Days seemed as normal as they could be, but the elements were strong, and I found myself whimsically wondering of how I would contend with the wrangling forces hard hitting within the head, as a result of what happened outside of it. And then, there were dreams that the mind persisted for some reason. Walking almost always alone, thankfully, in the expanses of vivid natural picturesque, every moment meant something, something that bore a strange connection to something that I knew nothing of! Heck, must have been surely something!
Curiosity can sometimes get the better of you and unaided, you find yourself going deeper into realms unknown! Time passes by, no doubt, but there is a complete void that it leaves behind, akin to the feeling of work incomplete at the end of every day!
As the evening unfolds, and sweet solitude dawns, there is a heightened perception of what is and not, against what should and not be. Math, I'm sure is easier. But, such is life too! Debates rage, on how and why, often throwing up more questions than answers! And I set to wonder what difference would have been, if I had the moment, for a moment, to make the moment, or something of that sort!
Today, some three decades have come to pass and I cannot term what it is that connection or the lack of it can be termed as. But I do know very strongly that it is not a figment of the imagination. Maybe it all just happened, as it happened, but no denying that it changed a great deal of what life is! There was some kind of gradual gradient like fill-in that I did come to terms with, but the battle is ongoing and pauses are not longer than the need for catching a short breath and exhaling a sigh! Whatever do I call this? Learning? Experience? Or chance?
Surely, no end to efforts in fitting a square into a circle!