Twerpa the banker

Twerpa calls herself a banker. How she become one is a puzzling story altogether. Having neither the qualification nor the aptitude, she pulled strings with 'friends in high places' to get herself the opportunity - trumping so many others who, undoubtedly, would have been so much better at the job. And, deserving of it, too. As is characteristic of the ruling political party in this region, they would rather have their lackeys appointed to such offices than allow for a process that favours the professionally eligible, qualified, or the meritorious. 

Anyhow, it is interesting to see how Twerpa spends her work day and sets an example for professional excellence, something she takes immense pride in boasting about. She reaches work well past 10 in the morning and takes a good half hour or more to settle in. But, barely has she settled, a troop of her colleagues accost her, forming a phalanx around her, chattering inane gossip - more likely about the colour and style of their clothes, dinner the previous evening, or malice about an absent colleague. Never mind that there are a number of already exasperated customers patiently waiting in line, most of whom have travelled from far away places. Twerpa pays them no heed. Neither do her colleagues. To her, these customers are unimportant and troublesome distractions that incur on her precious time.

Juicy tittle-tattle now at its end, Twerpa irritatingly summons waiting customers and rudely inquires the reason for their visit - after all, these irksome pests need some telling off. How dare they congregate at the bank! It doesn't matter that they have some bothersome difficulty or gripping necessity that requires patient redressal. Twerpa's annoyance knows no bounds. She is loudly discourteous. These people forget that she is the one doing them a favour and not the other way around! With utter resentment writ large, she peers into her computer screen and lackadaisically clicks one key at a time using only one finger, while the other hand is busy navigating her cell phone, scrolling through dozens of WhatsApp forwards and endless groups that she is a part of. Even as she does this, she mumbles that she should be given a lifetime service award for her contributions. Exactly what her contributions have been, no one can tell.

But, in the midst of such a dreary day, Twerpa has some relief. The clock has just struck 01:00 PM. It is lunchtime and this comes as a huge consolation. Unperturbed by the swathes of people that have now formed a long line in front of her desk, Twerpa uproots herself from her chair with boundless energy and firmly places a desk sign that reads 'closed' and marches away, as if she has finally achieved victory from the excruciating torment that she has suffered through the morning. She certainly needs much deserved rest.

Speeding away on her scooter without bothering to wear a helmet, she reaches home in a matter of minutes. After all, lunch is a scared affair, which cannot be indulged in at the workplace. And, certainly no amount of work, however pressing, could interfere with this privilege. So, Twerpa spends more than a leisurely hour savouring her meal, while customers at the bank wait patiently not knowing if they would meet a responsible hand to tend to their requirements. Evidently, nothing of this concerns Twerpa who spends some more time at home, napping after an elaborate meal. Perhaps, this is her idea of work-life balance.

After what seems to be eternity, she returns to the bank. Even then, her disposition is not inclined to attend to customers who, by now, have spent most of the day waiting for the likes of her. She casually saunters off to her desk only after stopping over to meet and greet a few colleagues, at whose desks the conversation is about what they had for lunch.

For all the attitude and importance that Twerpa displays, her job is menial and does not require any creative effort or decision-making skills. She is required to update account statements and ledgers while managing a help-desk for customers who visit the bank. Something as trivial such as this, she is unable to perform even to the basic standards of customer satisfaction. Evidently, she is neither concerned nor makes the effort.

With a system that thrives on individuals grovelling and being toady, than being critically evaluated for their performance, or for the lack if it, Twerpa has not a thing to worry about. Her job is under no threat whatsoever. Neither will she be questioned for her conduct at work. Her friends in high places, equally incompetent and unproductive imbeciles, guarantee to shield her. Consequentially, Twerpa will have a comfortable job for a lifetime that will not require her to even make the slightest effort. And, in the end, she will walk away with fat pay-cheques, annual bonuses, endless perquisites, and a pension that she is entirely undeserving of. A whole host of other unmerited benefits apart, she enjoys a tonne of public holidays, annual leaves, and off-days caused by plenty of strikes that political buffoons so relentlessly impose. But, above all, the lack of accountability and responsibility must be the two most shining traits of Twerpa's job. Makes one wonder if we live in times where the customer is actually king or sin!